The soul can not think without a picture. – Aristotle
Be warned: lots of soul-baring in this one.
The last couple of years have been rough, both personally and photographically. There’s no real difference between those two things though, in reality. Photography, especially the kind I do, is truly a reflection of the soul.
My photography reflects the dream of travel, and my travel lately has been disjointed at best, rather unsatisfying and, frankly, rather lonely for the most part. There have been a few brief patches of joy, but I found myself going further and further inside myself, and it’s a rather melancholy place, to put it mildly. The joy that I used to feel from capturing a new place in a unique way is also hard to find, hence a lack of photographs shared. I used to love to travel alone, but that changed a few years ago.
If I self-psychoanalyze, I think it comes down to relationships in my personal life. I don’t get into relationships easily (or frequently), but when I do, I tend to lead with my wide-open heart. The last few years are filled with “You’re an amazing guy, but…”, or “You’re a great friend”, or even “Why can’t I ever find a guy like you?” when I was sitting right in front of her.
Utterly and absolutely soul-crushing.
I spent a couple of years putting together the images for my book. I thought I had a small but quality set of photos that I felt conveyed what I wanted to say. When I showed a prototype to a person whose opinion I value highly, the reaction was “meh, I wouldn’t buy this”.
I keep telling myself that only my opinion matters. Hell, I’ve given that same advice dozens of times, and it’s absolutely true.
It’s also much easier said than done.
So here I sit, in a deep funk. Honestly, I’ve thought about selling all of my cameras and folding up shop completely. If there’s no joy, then what’s the point? But every once and a while, I’ll see a scene, visualize it clearly, and feel the urge inside. Those glimpses are keeping me going right now.
Hmmm, glimpses of joy. Could be the title for a new book…